How to solve the world's hunger crisis

God, I love this stuff. More gasoline on the fire...or should I say fat on the flames. Here's some new research:

http://www.wesh.com/news/3930625/detail.html?subid=10100244

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_virus

Dr. Richard Atkinson believes that he has found a virus that causes FAT. I'm not even going to complain about the stats this time. I'll try another tack.

Do we need any more reasons to marginalize fat people? Do we need any more reason to ban them from the workplace and polite society? They are destroying our health and on the brink of lipidating the entire civilized world...

The evidence is mounting fast and furious, FAT people are chipping away at our society in every way they can, first by friendship (see an earlier blog), now by spreading the dreaded FAT virus...

It is pretty obvious that people with FAT need to be quarantined and kept away from the rest of us. If someone with "bad" TB can't ride an airplane, what about someone with "bad" FAT? FAT kills. It's as serious a killer as smoking. Smoking isn't allowed in restaurants and public buildings, what about people with FAT? Think of the possibilities for litigation:

"She gave me FAT..."

Start making a list of all the fatties you hang out with (especially the rich ones). If you ever come down with FAT, you could fulfill the new American Dream--litigate your way to prosperity.

One problem...rich people don't seem as susceptible to the FAT virus...

You may be wondering how any of this has anything to do with the world's food crisis. Well, think about it. Science is gradually "proving" that diet and exercise have nothing to do with the obesity epidemic. That means that rather than sending food to countries with food crises and famines, that we should send them our fat people. We'll not only stem the epidemic at home, but we'll give the starving people FAT. Once they catch FAT, they won't be skinny and hungry anymore.

...maybe we should also send over boatloads of 2 liter bottles of Coke and potato chips, too. I hear the FAT virus thrives on that stuff.


I've got this little theory. Don't get me wrong, I really like the FAT virus idea. It's a very cool way to send the lardos packing. None of studies say how you actually catch the virus. I'm just wondering if is possible for people to catch the virus by eating lots of unhealthy food and not exercising. And, if that is the case, maybe they can get cured by not eating so much crap and exercising...

...or perhaps, if someone has FAT, but they eat right and exercise, they may never have the symptoms...

...I'm going to step waaay out on a pharmacological limb here. You don't see many smokers with FAT. You don't see many speed freaks or crack heads with FAT, either...

...you don't suppose--hidden medicinal benefits?!? Maybe it's time sell those Apple Inc. stocks and put some money into tobacco shares and recreational pharmaceuticals...

Nah, too radical...

Let's stick with denial and discrimination.