This Larry Craig story...
OK, so he's a family values kinda guy. Republican. Adamantly "not gay." Against gay marriage...whatever. That's not the issue here.
Republican. Democrat. I don't care. I have very little use for politicians, period.
Back to Larry, despite his lame protestations to the contrary, let's just assume for a moment that he was hoping to get lucky. He sees this cute guy who gives him the eye and looks like he may be up for some fun...
...and this is the part that I don't get--an undercover cop doing hanging out in public toilets trying to entrap sexually confused geriatrics?
Think of the places where you (OK, not you...how about someone you know?) have tried to pick someone up. Let's think hetero for a minute (you'll have to bear with us, Larry). There aren't many mixed-use toilets, so let's change the venue. Bars are rather public places. Lot's of people get picked up in bars.
Let's pretend that Larry is straight, single or divorced, a democrat, let's keep him white (if he was black, they'd probably bust him for attempted rape), and he's alone in a bar...
This hot chick gives him the eye and lures him back to a dark corner. Larry has not gotten lucky for a long (just look at him). He follows her and just as he's starting to say, "hey baby, how about you and I..."
"Wipe your drool old man. I'm a police officer. You're under arrest for LEWD BEHAVIOR. You have the right to blah blah blah..."
Normal people would be up in arms. I hope anyway...America is pretty weird these days, so it's getting more and more difficult to know what qualifies as "normal."
The thing is that the real Larry (republican, married, family values kind of guy--whatever those are, sexually confused, Idaho senator Larry) didn't even do what our pretend, straight Larry did. All that happened was a bit of footsie and hand waving under a toilet divider. He didn't ask "how much for a blowie?" He didn't even verbally solicit sex. Probably no drool. either...
America, what's the big deal?!?
LEWD BEHAVIOR?!? Leave the poor old man alone!
And Larry, you silly ass! Why didn't you just say, "I thought he was cute. I just wanted to get his attention to ask for his phone number?" Surely they can't bust someone for waving to a cutie under a toilet divider to get their number.
Or can they?
Just a couple more questions:
Don't police officers have more pressing matters to attend to in airports? Can't they do something productive, like wander around the concourse looking manly with all their weapons? Or do something to help shorten the wait? Or harass people with beards and bad accents?
What do these cops say when their wives (or partners) ask them "how was your day, honey?"
"You're not gonna believe this...."
Aug 31, 2007
Aug 27, 2007
How to solve the world's hunger crisis
God, I love this stuff. More gasoline on the fire...or should I say fat on the flames. Here's some new research:
http://www.wesh.com/news/3930625/detail.html?subid=10100244
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_virus
Dr. Richard Atkinson believes that he has found a virus that causes FAT. I'm not even going to complain about the stats this time. I'll try another tack.
Do we need any more reasons to marginalize fat people? Do we need any more reason to ban them from the workplace and polite society? They are destroying our health and on the brink of lipidating the entire civilized world...
The evidence is mounting fast and furious, FAT people are chipping away at our society in every way they can, first by friendship (see an earlier blog), now by spreading the dreaded FAT virus...
It is pretty obvious that people with FAT need to be quarantined and kept away from the rest of us. If someone with "bad" TB can't ride an airplane, what about someone with "bad" FAT? FAT kills. It's as serious a killer as smoking. Smoking isn't allowed in restaurants and public buildings, what about people with FAT? Think of the possibilities for litigation:
"She gave me FAT..."
Start making a list of all the fatties you hang out with (especially the rich ones). If you ever come down with FAT, you could fulfill the new American Dream--litigate your way to prosperity.
One problem...rich people don't seem as susceptible to the FAT virus...
You may be wondering how any of this has anything to do with the world's food crisis. Well, think about it. Science is gradually "proving" that diet and exercise have nothing to do with the obesity epidemic. That means that rather than sending food to countries with food crises and famines, that we should send them our fat people. We'll not only stem the epidemic at home, but we'll give the starving people FAT. Once they catch FAT, they won't be skinny and hungry anymore.
...maybe we should also send over boatloads of 2 liter bottles of Coke and potato chips, too. I hear the FAT virus thrives on that stuff.
I've got this little theory. Don't get me wrong, I really like the FAT virus idea. It's a very cool way to send the lardos packing. None of studies say how you actually catch the virus. I'm just wondering if is possible for people to catch the virus by eating lots of unhealthy food and not exercising. And, if that is the case, maybe they can get cured by not eating so much crap and exercising...
...or perhaps, if someone has FAT, but they eat right and exercise, they may never have the symptoms...
...I'm going to step waaay out on a pharmacological limb here. You don't see many smokers with FAT. You don't see many speed freaks or crack heads with FAT, either...
...you don't suppose--hidden medicinal benefits?!? Maybe it's time sell those Apple Inc. stocks and put some money into tobacco shares and recreational pharmaceuticals...
Nah, too radical...
Let's stick with denial and discrimination.
http://www.wesh.com/news/3930625/detail.html?subid=10100244
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_virus
Dr. Richard Atkinson believes that he has found a virus that causes FAT. I'm not even going to complain about the stats this time. I'll try another tack.
Do we need any more reasons to marginalize fat people? Do we need any more reason to ban them from the workplace and polite society? They are destroying our health and on the brink of lipidating the entire civilized world...
The evidence is mounting fast and furious, FAT people are chipping away at our society in every way they can, first by friendship (see an earlier blog), now by spreading the dreaded FAT virus...
It is pretty obvious that people with FAT need to be quarantined and kept away from the rest of us. If someone with "bad" TB can't ride an airplane, what about someone with "bad" FAT? FAT kills. It's as serious a killer as smoking. Smoking isn't allowed in restaurants and public buildings, what about people with FAT? Think of the possibilities for litigation:
"She gave me FAT..."
Start making a list of all the fatties you hang out with (especially the rich ones). If you ever come down with FAT, you could fulfill the new American Dream--litigate your way to prosperity.
One problem...rich people don't seem as susceptible to the FAT virus...
You may be wondering how any of this has anything to do with the world's food crisis. Well, think about it. Science is gradually "proving" that diet and exercise have nothing to do with the obesity epidemic. That means that rather than sending food to countries with food crises and famines, that we should send them our fat people. We'll not only stem the epidemic at home, but we'll give the starving people FAT. Once they catch FAT, they won't be skinny and hungry anymore.
...maybe we should also send over boatloads of 2 liter bottles of Coke and potato chips, too. I hear the FAT virus thrives on that stuff.
I've got this little theory. Don't get me wrong, I really like the FAT virus idea. It's a very cool way to send the lardos packing. None of studies say how you actually catch the virus. I'm just wondering if is possible for people to catch the virus by eating lots of unhealthy food and not exercising. And, if that is the case, maybe they can get cured by not eating so much crap and exercising...
...or perhaps, if someone has FAT, but they eat right and exercise, they may never have the symptoms...
...I'm going to step waaay out on a pharmacological limb here. You don't see many smokers with FAT. You don't see many speed freaks or crack heads with FAT, either...
...you don't suppose--hidden medicinal benefits?!? Maybe it's time sell those Apple Inc. stocks and put some money into tobacco shares and recreational pharmaceuticals...
Nah, too radical...
Let's stick with denial and discrimination.
Aug 16, 2007
Suicide bomber targets American Consulate in Osaka
A diminutive suicide bomber failed in his attempt to blow up the American Consulate in Osaka today. Authorities concluded from the bomber's probable Asian origins, abundant facial hair, lack of any documentation, the absence of an ipod containing American pop music, and the fact that the bomber had been seen outside a halaal restaurant several days earlier, that the would-be bomber was a radical Islamist. The botched nature of bombing attempt bore a eerie resemblence to recent such attempts in other countries including the United Kingdom. Authorities are investigating possible links to Al Qaeda.
Evidently the bomber was trying to enter the American Consulte through the grating in the street beside the heavily guarded building. The bomber got stuck in the grating and succeeded in committing suicide; however, no explosive devices were detonated. There were no other casualties or damage to the American Consulate or nearby structures. The fact that no explosive devices have yet been located, suggest that the bomber could have had an accomplice, who may strike again at any time. Authorities are making every attempt to determine if the would-be bomber was part of a homegrown plot or had been indoctrinated outside of Japan.
Passersby who noticed the little scene in the street seemed quite shocked that something like this could happen in this peaceful metropolis in western Japan. Citizens see this incident as part of the cost of supporting the United States in the war on terror in Iraq and expect an escalation in the coming months.
Aug 10, 2007
First, it was your fat friends...now, it's your fake boobs that are killing you
...and the hits just keep coming...
Forbes
http://www.forbes.com/forbeslife/health/feeds/hscout/2007/08/09/hscout607188.html
reports a study in the Annals of Plastic Surgery that found that the number of deaths from suicide were three times higher for women with implants. The same study reported that the number of deaths related to substance abuse, lung cancer, and respiratory disease was also higher.
If anyone wants a pdf of the original study. Let me know.
The study concludes that "thus, screening for preimplant psychiatric morbidity and postimplant monitoring may be warranted"
This is what happens when a bunch of plastic surgeons get their hands on statistics software. Doctors, put down your laptops, pick up those scapels, and get back in the operating room!
Let's leave our silicon boobs for a moment and ponder what other alarmist studies we could do...
How about these?
1. If we looked at the death rate of Americans in Iraq, we would probably find that a large number of them have very short hair, sunglasses, and poor sartorial taste--big funny hats and clothes with big blotchy prints. Therefore, barbers should consider counseling everyone who gets a crewcut, or buys sunglasses...and perhaps young Americans in Iraq should consider something a bit more Saville Row...
or...
2. If we look at inner city crime stats, I'll bet guys who listen to hip hop, and wear their caps wrong have a much higher chance of getting killed in drug-related incidents than those who don't. We should therefore advise our dealers to straighten their caps and start listening to more John Denver and Anne Murray...
Ah, but then the suicide rates would probably go up (sorry Canadians...but seriously, you guys need more edge)
Just like the "fat friends" study, these guys are not quite coming out and saying that fake boobs are the culprit. They dance around the point, but the implication of causality is lurking somewhere just under the surface the whole time.
The study doesn't report the statistical procedures used...I imagine they used some type of survival failure analysis...chi squares...whatever. It's post hoc correlational stuff that cannot be used to establish casaulity.
They should really be looking for underlying variables. This study should be in a journal of psychiatry...but a psych journal would probably be much more rigorous.
Besides, trying to identify some underlying variable would make this type of study pretty boring. Forbes would never write it up, and it probably wouldn't even get published in the first place. But, the underlying variables are probably the cause of suicides. Not many happy contented people commit suicide (or abuse drugs and alcohol). And, women who are happy with the way they look probably don't opt for breat augmentation surgery. Isn't there a chance that someone who is not happy about the way they look may be unhappy about other things. People who are unhappy about things or willing to risk a boob job may also have drug and alcohol dependencies.
Who knows, the boob jobs may actually be keeping lesser endowed women from considering suicide sooner.
Hmmm...I still want to do that Iraq study, "Sartorial indiscretion to blame for American deaths in Iraq" or, "Anne Murray saves lives..."
I'll wait til after I finish my dissertation.
Forbes
http://www.forbes.com/forbeslife/health/feeds/hscout/2007/08/09/hscout607188.html
reports a study in the Annals of Plastic Surgery that found that the number of deaths from suicide were three times higher for women with implants. The same study reported that the number of deaths related to substance abuse, lung cancer, and respiratory disease was also higher.
If anyone wants a pdf of the original study. Let me know.
The study concludes that "thus, screening for preimplant psychiatric morbidity and postimplant monitoring may be warranted"
This is what happens when a bunch of plastic surgeons get their hands on statistics software. Doctors, put down your laptops, pick up those scapels, and get back in the operating room!
Let's leave our silicon boobs for a moment and ponder what other alarmist studies we could do...
How about these?
1. If we looked at the death rate of Americans in Iraq, we would probably find that a large number of them have very short hair, sunglasses, and poor sartorial taste--big funny hats and clothes with big blotchy prints. Therefore, barbers should consider counseling everyone who gets a crewcut, or buys sunglasses...and perhaps young Americans in Iraq should consider something a bit more Saville Row...
or...
2. If we look at inner city crime stats, I'll bet guys who listen to hip hop, and wear their caps wrong have a much higher chance of getting killed in drug-related incidents than those who don't. We should therefore advise our dealers to straighten their caps and start listening to more John Denver and Anne Murray...
Ah, but then the suicide rates would probably go up (sorry Canadians...but seriously, you guys need more edge)
Just like the "fat friends" study, these guys are not quite coming out and saying that fake boobs are the culprit. They dance around the point, but the implication of causality is lurking somewhere just under the surface the whole time.
The study doesn't report the statistical procedures used...I imagine they used some type of survival failure analysis...chi squares...whatever. It's post hoc correlational stuff that cannot be used to establish casaulity.
They should really be looking for underlying variables. This study should be in a journal of psychiatry...but a psych journal would probably be much more rigorous.
Besides, trying to identify some underlying variable would make this type of study pretty boring. Forbes would never write it up, and it probably wouldn't even get published in the first place. But, the underlying variables are probably the cause of suicides. Not many happy contented people commit suicide (or abuse drugs and alcohol). And, women who are happy with the way they look probably don't opt for breat augmentation surgery. Isn't there a chance that someone who is not happy about the way they look may be unhappy about other things. People who are unhappy about things or willing to risk a boob job may also have drug and alcohol dependencies.
Who knows, the boob jobs may actually be keeping lesser endowed women from considering suicide sooner.
Hmmm...I still want to do that Iraq study, "Sartorial indiscretion to blame for American deaths in Iraq" or, "Anne Murray saves lives..."
I'll wait til after I finish my dissertation.
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